Ok, I have gone from mad to down right pissed! Since no one reads this anyway I am going to let you all have it!
Listen bitches, if you can't stop being "friends" with your kids and start being parents, I am going to come and find you and personally kick your ass. Yea, you heard me. and yes I AM talking to you.  Your kid is an asshole, let me count the ways:

1. you bail them out of EVERY situation instead of having them face consequences. If you let them fall once in a while without you running to them, picking them up and kissing their backsides, then maybe I wouldn't be afraid for the future of this country.
2. You care what they think.  Simple. Your kids have WAAAYY too many opinions. You know what my kids think? That I am one dirty sock on the floor from a full metal jacket mental breakdown. I'm not really, that's why I take meds, but THEY don't know that. Living in fear is healthy. Not the psycho, beat your kids cause you are a wasteoid druggy or alcoholic kind of fear. Good fear, that if you slam that bedroom door I am going to take it off the hinges. Doors are a privilege. You know where I learned that? My dad. You see, I was a smart-ass kid, I know, shocker. I was in trouble all the time. If there was a curfew, I was breaking it. I used to get grounded from wearing my favorite clothes because my grades weren't good. That was healthy fear. As a kid I thought my parents were crazy, but as a parent I now know that I made them that way.
3. YOU ARE THE BOSS! NOT THEM.  You would think this is obvious and my husband tries to let them get away with this. If I do something and my husband says "Uh oh...Rosemary's Baby(daughter #2) isn't gonna like that.." You know what I say? "I'm sorry, does it look like I GIVE A SHIT!!" cause guess what, I don't. You don't have to like it. Do what you like when you are older and you have your own kids to boss around.
4. You're kids are disgusting. I am around pre-pubescent ALL DAY LONG! They are perverted, gross, they smell and they are rude. Yes there all some exceptions. (The kids I worked with last year were no where near this bad) but then there are the ones that come at you and make the stabbing pain in your head intensify by 1000.

Ok, I know that I am losing you, if you are actually reading this.....

Teach your kids to be the type of person you enjoy being around.

Remember, if your kids are assholes, there's a 99% chance you're an asshole too.

I'm going to have a beer.

Here endeth the lesson